The cycle of narcissistic abuse is a repetitive and destructive pattern of behaviour often experienced in relationships with narcissists. This cycle typically consists of three main phases: idealization, devaluation, and discard.  In my experience, these phases are common to all narcissists including mothers, spouses, partners, friends, group leaders, and work colleagues.

Understanding this cycle can help you to recognize and break free from abusive relationships. Here is a detailed explanation of each phase:

Idealization Phase

During this phase, the narcissist appears charming, attentive, and loving, creating a “honeymoon” period in the relationship. This stage is also known as “love bombing” because the narcissist overwhelms you with affection, praise, and gifts.  The narcissist may flatter, shower with compliments, and make grand gestures.  If you have a history of feeling undervalued this makes you feel valued, special, and deeply connected to the narcissist, creating a strong emotional bond.  It feels wonderful and is intoxicating.

Devaluation Phase

Once you are emotionally invested, the narcissist will gradually shift towards devaluation. The narcissist begins to criticize, belittle, and manipulate, eroding self-esteem and sense of self-worth.  The narcissist may engage in verbal abuse, gaslighting, passive-aggressive behaviour, and blame-shifting.  You may feel confused, anxious, and worthless, often questioning your reality and blaming yourself for the narcissist’s behaviour.

Discard Phase

In the discard phase, the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship or distances themselves emotionally, leaving you feeling abandoned and devastated. This phase can be temporary, with the narcissist returning to restart the cycle. The narcissist may ghost, withdraw affection, or abruptly end the relationship causing intense emotional pain, confusion, and a sense of betrayal.

Hoovering

After the discard phase, the narcissist may attempt to re-enter your life, a tactic known as “hoovering.” This is often done to regain control and restart the cycle of abuse.  The narcissist may apologize, make promises to change, or employ manipulative tactics to draw you back causing hope for change so that you re-enter the relationship, only to repeat the cycle.

Breaking the Cycle

Recognizing the cycle of narcissistic abuse is crucial for breaking free. Here are some steps to consider:

• Education: Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and abuse patterns to understand what you are experiencing.
• Feelings: Tune into your feelings and if something feels wrong, pay attention.
• Boundaries: Set and enforce strong personal boundaries to protect yourself from further harm.
• Support: Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professional counsellors who can offer guidance and validation.
• Self-Care: Focus on self-care and rebuilding your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
• No Contact: Consider implementing a “no contact” rule to fully detach from the narcissist and prevent further manipulation.

Shamanic Healing

Narcissistic abuse is often an entrenched pattern, evolving from early childhood experiences where we develop beliefs and agreements about ourselves and others.  This could take the form of “I’m not good enough” which has far-reaching consequences for people in their lives, holding them back from experiencing their true potential.  It may stop them from applying to college to do a course, sabotage them from attending an interview for their dream job, or put them in a state of depression where they don’t want to socialise.  The pattern will repeat from early childhood caregivers through friendships, work colleagues, and partners/spouses.

Talking about our problem in psychotherapy can give us a cognitive understanding of the situation, but it cannot change our programmed behaviour on a subconscious level.  Shamanic healing can break the trauma bonds with the abuser by changing the agreements that have caused them to seek a detrimental relationship.  By shifting to “I am good enough” we can step into a new manifestation of life with a new job, home, and hobbies.

Soul Retrieval will enable you to get the life-force energy back that was stolen from you, which is a very empowering experience.  This gives solid confidence which is not in ego.  Energy Body Healing will seal up the holes in your energy body so that the soul parts cannot leave again.  Spiritual Parasite / Entity Removal will remove any external negative forces that may be controlling you without you knowing, such as causing you to drink too much which leads to emotional outbursts that the entity feeds off leaving you drained. The removal of negative energy and blockages through Shamanic Extraction will help you to feel refreshed, and more energetic and give you a positive frame of mind.

For further information go to Shamanic Healing and Shamanic Techniques.  To book a free 10-minute Zoom to discuss your needs, please go to the Contact and to make an online booking go to Bookings.